Hot take: Montrealers are afraid of intimacy

Hello! I'm back after a month in Europe, where I took the time to fill my "social cup" with wonderful moments spent with family and friends. This time spent abroad allowed me to notice a striking difference: social, intimate connections and interactions seemed much more natural and easier to create or maintain there.

I quickly compared this experience with the social reality I live in Montreal. Several immigrants told me that making a circle of friends here—especially including Quebecers—was a real challenge. According to recent statistics, nearly one in three people in Montreal feel isolated, a trend that seems to be even more pronounced among young adults and immigrants.

I am wondering if this lack of social proximity reflects a more individualistic culture seen in North America, where social interactions are often motivated by personal needs rather than a desire to strengthen community.

For example, in France, I noticed that outings with friends are often planned to feed a collective feeling. Here, in Montreal, I rather have the impression that meetings are held to satisfy an individual need: "I want to see you" rather than "Let's take care of our group". This different approach also impacts more intimate relationships.

Intimacy in all its forms is at the heart of Oui ’s mission. In 2022, I opened a physical space dedicated to intimacy after realizing that many Montrealers were struggling to express or fulfill their intimate needs — whether sexual or not. Two years later, this observation remains the same. Is this a reflection of my own experience or a broader trend?

On dating apps, for example, I have observed that many people communicate their needs but do not follow through. A friend told me that after months of looking for a third person for a threesome with his partner, nothing came to fruition in Montreal. On the other hand, during a trip to the United States, this experience happened without difficulty. Is this fear of commitment or of following through a cultural one proper to Montreal?

It is interesting to note that in other cultures, such as some European or Latin American countries, statistics show that community circles are stronger and that relationship commitment is more valued. For example, in France, a significant proportion of 25-34 year olds are in a serious relationship, unlike what I see in my circle in Montreal where indecision and fear of commitment predominate.

So what do you think? Is this reserve towards intimacy simply a personal perception or a reflection of a broader cultural reality? I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.